“I want to start my own family someday.”

I hear this sentence extremely often in my coaching sessions. Men who say: “Yes, I want children. But I still have time.”

If you believe that, I’m afraid I have to give you a good wake-up call today.

Because your biological clock might not be ticking as loudly as a woman’s – but your temporal reality is ticking just as fast.

Let’s do a realistic example today. Not a best-case scenario, but the simple reality of how healthy relationship and family development unfolds.

Let’s assume you’re currently single and decide today to take action.

1. Finding and Selecting (approx. 1 year)
You go out, date, and meet different women. Not to marry the first one you meet, but to gain experience and figure out what you really want. You need options to make an informed decision. It takes, on average, at least a year to meet the woman with whom everything truly clicks.

2. Test the relationship (at least 6 months)
You’re together, things are going well. But is she really the woman for you? And more importantly: Is she the woman you can raise children with? You won’t find that out in three weeks. You should be in a committed relationship for at least six months before even thinking about the next step.

3. Move in together – and see if it really works in everyday life (at least a year)
Now you’re moving in together – and that’s pretty quick after six months. This is where the truth comes out. How does daily life go? How do you handle stress? Do your outlooks on life align? A year of living together is the absolute minimum to see if the foundation is solid.

Interim Update:

We’re already at 2.5 to 3 years – and that’s only if the FIRST woman you move in with is the right one! Wasn’t she? Then you start all over again. Before you know it, 3 to 4 years have vanished.

And now comes something that very few men consider.

Just because you’ve decided to have a child doesn’t mean it will happen right away.

She might get pregnant after two months. Or it might take a year. Or longer. Ask around among friends who have children. You’ll be surprised.

You might find at some point that you need medical assistance.

And suddenly, the three years you spent looking for a partner and building a relationship become five, six, or seven years until you can start a family.

The whole thing is simply unpredictable: You don’t know in advance how long it will take for you.

Realistically, several years will pass from today as a single person until the moment you hold your first child in your arms.

→ Everything goes perfectly: A good three years.

→ It takes you a bit longer to find a partner or to get pregnant: 4–5 years.

→ A relationship fails or there are fertility problems: 6–8 years or longer.

Are you 32 today? Then you could be 35 to 40 when you have your first child.

Are you 38 today? Then we’re possibly talking about 41 to 46 years.

And now there’s something else to consider: You might be thinking that as a man, you can also become a father at 45 or 50.

Sure, theoretically, that’s possible.

But your future partner also needs to be the right age.

If you meet a 37-year-old woman when you’re 42 and you want to build a relationship over three years, having children can be a real challenge.

Your biological clock might be ticking slower. Your future partner’s might not.

If you’re over 30 and want children, you have NO time to waste.

You don’t have time for relationship experiments with women you already know aren’t right for you.

You don’t have time to spend weekend evenings on the couch hoping that next week a new colleague will randomly start who turns out to be the woman of your dreams.

If you want a family, you need to prioritize meeting women NOW. And by now, I mean now, not next year, even though it’s already November.

If you’re over 30 and want children, you have NO time to waste. You don’t want to wake up at 46, still single, wondering where the last ten years have gone?

Then you should stop putting off meeting women until next year.

Maximilian Pütz

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